gungho girl

I spent the last 10 years or so of my life creating my own schedule and living according to my whims and wishes. These are the benefits of being an artist and freelance filmmaker. However the cumulative consequences of the self-employed/freelance/unemployed artist lifestyle have lead to a serious lack of financial well being in my life.  I’ve often told friends that my creative life is great; it’s the money that sucks.

After years of unsuccessfully trying balance the two entities of art and $$$$$, I find myself with a full time gig and I have much to adjust to in my life and my psyche now. Today was my fourth day on the job. I left work and headed for the San Francisco Transbay Terminal. On the ride there I was overcome by fatigue. My mind was reeling a bit.

I sooooo want to get my own place and I am months away from even being close to affording such a thing. I was trying to shake off the information overload I acquired from just trying to absorb all the information I need to know to be functional in my position, then, there are these pressing internal concerns of continuing to produce art and film, finding the space to create, and how can I make the time to do all this.  Anxiety and fatigue make for a very bad cocktail that leaves my skull ringing.

I jump off one bus and run across the street to catch the next. Just as I enter the station I am greeted by what is now my most favorite graffiti. I stop running. Breathe. Walk up the stairs to board the bus to the East Bay and have a nice nap for the ride home. Thanks for the reminder.